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CIA enlarge their presence in Afghanistan

Facing an impasse in their intelligencegathering activities in Afghanistan, the CIA have resorted to more potent methods for acquiring Bin Laden's whereabouts. Having found that traditional methods of bribery and ‘persuasion’ weren't getting them the results they desired, agents have found that the sex wonder-drug Viagra is proving a big hit with the warlord set.

According to The Washington Post, agents have found particular success with ageing male clan leaders, many of whom have multiple younger wives. After the benefits of the pills were explained and offered, CIA spooks would come back several days later with the newly invigorated elders beaming and eager to help.

CIA agents have a long history of bribery in the region, having originally recruited insurgents to fight against the then Soviet invasion of Afghanistan with machine guns, grenade launchers and money. But they are now finding it difficult to get their expense claims approved when trying to arm battlehardened warlords with further US military surplus. This may have something to do with the fact that those same weapons are now being used on US forces, or maybe it’s just because the economic crisis means arms giveaways are not as easy to come by. Either way, more creative solutions are now required.

‘Whatever it takes to make friends and influence people – whether it’s building a school or handing out Viagra,’ one CIA official told The Washington
Post. He went on to say that the blue pills could put chieftains ‘back in an authoritative position’.


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