Though crisis after crisis rocks the world of accountancy, a series of rousing corporate anthems written in better times by the Big Five firms may yet rally the troops.
Singing along to global accountant KPMG’s aspirational and toe-curlingly awful corporate anthem ‘A Vision of Global Strategy’, one can almost forget that it was they who audited the beleaguered Xerox – who misreported billions in profit to join World.com’s spectacular crash and burn in June. All together now: ‘KPMG, we’re strong as can be / A team of power and energy / We go for the gold / Together we hold / onto our vision of global strategeee.’ Seriously has been rocking to an unofficial jungle remix version posted onto the internet by some well-wisher [See http://www.phrenetic.org]. ‘We create, we innovate / We pass the ones that are la-a-ate. / A global team, this is our dream of success that we create. / We’ll be number one, with effort and fun / Together each of us will run for gold / that shines like the sun in our eyes’. Beautiful.
Given the current climate, Price-WaterhouseCoopers consultants will feel relief at being hived off from the accountancy wing of the firm, even though it means they will now be languishing under the much derided new brand name, ‘Monday’. ‘Monday is confident,’ their website babbles. ‘It stands out and it stands for something.’
However, the consultants at Monday may look back with nostalgia at PWC anthems they can no longer call their own, gems such as ‘Downright Global’. The lyrics are worth reprinting at length:
‘Welcome to the firm that is known for innovation, imagination, fascination, total global integration, PriceWaterhouse-Coopers, PWC! / Now let me tell you a little about our key industries / …My friend it’s true / We’re downright global! / We work with companies that want to grow / To find new markets and increase cash flow / We help these companies to expand and thrive / To see them through to the Fortune Five / (Go further, reach higher, know more) / PriceWaterhouse-Coopers / Our world is waiting for you.’
Seriously invites readers to pen new corporate anthems appropriate for firms as they crash and burn through the Fortune 500. Enron? Andersens? Email your lyrics to email@example.com and we’ll print the best in this space.
This first appeared in our award-winning magazine - to read more, subscribe from just £7