The Catholic Church goes to confession

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned…

For centuries I have used my position of power to abuse others.

I have killed untold numbers of native Amerindians in the name of ‘spreading the gospel’. I have vilified, suppressed, and discriminated against all women.

I have murdered and continue to condemn gay people for their ‘disordered’ sexuality.

All the while, I have sexually abused, continue to abuse, and cover up the sexual abuse of children entrusted to my care.

I have killed hundreds of thousands (or maybe millions?) of people in the poorest parts of the world by preaching a perverse doctrine that condoms cause death and immorality and offer no protection against AIDS.

I submit myself unto you, Father, to do penance. A couple of Our Fathers and a few Hail Marys usually does the trick…

Then I can go forth and continue the good work of protecting and defending this, the holiest of all holy institutions, with a pure soul.

Amen

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